Coffee is what separates us from the rest of the uncivilized world. It is one of the only things that can tame our brutish rage and instinctual impulses to judge you on the harshest of manner. That is, many of us are verbally abusive until we have had our coffee.

We are brewing up something fun here at Smokin’ Beans, your source for bulk coffee beans. We are honored to give you the following puns, jokes and one-liners all about coffee. Set your coffee down while reading them as you risk blowing coffee through your nose while laughing.

How did the hipster burn his tongue?

He drank his coffee before it was cool.

How are coffee beans like children?

They are always getting grounded.

What is it called when someone steals your coffee?

A mugging.

What two types of people are there in the world?

Coffee drinkers and very sad people.

How are women like coffee?

If you are careless with them, they will burn you.

What do coffee, chocolate and men have in common?

They are all better rich.

Exactly what happens when you laugh at coffee jokes? For one, your blood pressure and pulse immediately goes up. But then they both go back down, usually to lower levels than before. So there are health benefits in reading coffee jokes.

Laughter is a powerful antidote to pain, stress and conflict. Nothing else works as fast to bring your mind and body back into balance than a good laugh. Laughter inspires hope, lightens your burdens and connects you with others. Laughter keeps your focused, grounded and alert. It is also one of the best ways to release anger and forgive sooner.

How does Moses make his coffee?

Hebrews it.

Laughing at that joke gives your immune system a boost and your stress hormones decrease. Laughter holds the ability to renew and heal, it will also enhance your relationships. The real beauty of laughter is that is doesn’t cost anything and you can use it whenever you want.

Laughter relaxes your entire body, it preceptors your heart and it even burns calories. That’s right, laughter could be the key to losing weight.

Nothing diffuses a situation or conflict faster than a laugh that is shared by all. You can put almost any situation into a whole different perspective with a few guffaws.

Somebody stole my coffee so I have to go to the police station and look through mug shots.

How is divorce like coffee?

It is expensive and bitter.

Someone at the office keeps making decaffeinated coffee. We have narrowed it down to the guy who never gets anything done.

That pot of coffee tastes better when you throw the first cup into the face of someone who has wronged you.

We keep mistaking our coffee for enthusiasm.

Saw a dude at the coffee shop today with no smartphone, iPad or laptop. He was just sitting there drinking his coffee like a psychopath.

When you are done laughing, place an order for coffee beans from Smokin’ Beans Coffee Company.